Buddhism’s ultimate goal is the dissolution of self; enlightenment is achieved when we realize that we are nothing and everything at the same time, a fragment of the infinite that is temporarily having a subjective experience in linear time before shedding our flawed meat husks and returning to the æther.
In practice, this means devoting our full attention to the present moment rather than reminiscing or dwelling on the past or planning for the future. Meditation is the purest expression of this; a meditator attempts to silence their mind and simply exist, either free of thought or at least focused on a single thought or prayer. It is the elimination of the unnecessary.
If you have ever tried to meditate, you know that this is a dreadfully difficult task. Even in the most serene surroundings it is seemingly impossible to quiet our minds for any meaningful period of time, let alone trying to do it against the backdrop of our societal ADHD. But if you perservere, you will likely find that it gets easier over time, and that the quieting of the mind bleeds into your waking life and seems to mellow out the ever-present chaos of existence.
The true purpose of meditation is to attain this bleeding over, to bring peace and contentment to our everyday lives rather than just during the times that we sit to meditate. Once you learn to stop reacting to everything– to your emotions and your fleeting desires, to external forces that demand your attention and energy, to information that is irrelevant and inconsequential– you find that existence itself becomes much more focused and tranquil.
But what does this actually mean, exactly? How does one shed their ego and their self, to exist in a state of contentment in defiance of while still living a “productive” and meaningful life? Obviously, there is no simple answer to this question, if there is any answer at all.
Shedding our egos does not mean giving up our individual identities, at least not in any meaningful sense. When we stop reacting to our every desire, we can instead reflect on the source of those desires and make a mindful, conscious decision as to whether satisfying the desire will meaningfully enrich our lives (or the lives of those around us). We can examine our sense of identity itself, and slowly shed the parts that have been sold to us by capitalism, tribalism, or mindless mimicry. We can reclaim the time and energy that we used to put into projecting a particular image of ourselves into the world around us, and we can simply be who and how we are. We can accept that this iteration of ourselves will inevitably die someday, and that most of us will die without having “accomplished” everything that we hoped to do, but it’s ok because those things didn’t really matter all that much anyway.
Perhaps this is still too conceptual, so let’s be more specific. Take a few moments to build a mental “dating app profile” of yourself. Think about what you would put on that profile. Think about the photos you’d post, the words and phrases you’d choose, the memes or fads you’d reference. Conisder all of the parts of you that you would carefully curate to try to present an “authentic” picture of yourself. Then, think about the 3-5 word label that you would apply to that persona: earthy, spirtual hippie; broody punk anarchist; clean-cut intellectual; rural good ol’ boy… whatever.
Now think about how many things you didn’t post because they didn’t fit that image… The band you left off your list of favorites because they’re too mainstream, the number of firearms you own despite being a progressive, your love of figure skating because it makes you seem effette. Think about how many experiences and ideas you’ve rejected outright because your perception of them didn’t conform to this image of who or what you should be. How much of the richness of life have you missed because you filtered it on your preconceived notions?
Now, think about how many things that you did post could be removed while still presenting a “genuine” image of yourself. Are you the lifted truck you drive? Are you the poignant quote by Goethe you have tattooed on your bicep? Does your weekly volunteering define you? Does that meme accurately capture the nuance of your beliefs? Who are you, and why do you feel so intimately connected to these little trinkets and symbols?
This is the beginning of unraveling your ego. Identifying these things doesn’t mean getting rid of them; you can still drive your lifted truck, you can still tirelessly quote movies in every conversation, you can still be whomever you want. But you should do and be these things consciously, and you should not feel the need to define yourself by them. As you truly learn to let go, you’ll find that you want these things less, because they no longer seem so integral to your sense of identity.
Once you feel unshackled from your manufactured self-image, turn your attention to your attention. Where does it go? Does it dwell on missteps you’ve taken in the past? Do you relive your failures or foibles ceaselessly? Why? Does it focus on the thing you have to do next week, or the thing you want to do next month? How much attention do those things really deserve? Give them just that much and not a moment more. Do you doomscroll and lament the tragic state of the world? Are you going to do anything about it? If you are not (or cannot), be informed but do not dwell.
Killing our ego is a radical act of self-liberation. The ego is the driving force for wanting more, consuming more, and still remaining eternally dissatisfied. It is the scared, angry voice in our head that interferes with our attempts to connect to other people, to cooperate and share and achieve great things for their own sake, rather than for the sake of recognition. It is our ticking countdown timer to annihilation, because it is terrified of no longer being an individual “I” when we die and it re-merges with the universe in some form or another.
We are all slaves to our egos, and even lifelong practitioners of Buddhism admit that it remains a constant struggle after decades of practice. Few of us are able to kill it completely, but we can tame it. The relationship between Buddhism and anarchy may not be immediately obvious, but these ideologies are deeply intertwined. Taming the ego is essential to living harmoniously and sustainably. Every time that we pause and reflect on a thought, impulse, desire or an action, we can understand ourselves and our motivations more clearly and we can consciously decide how to proceed, to be truly autonomous rather than simply automatous.
We have been conditioned by liberalism to be fiercely individualistic, and capitalism has arranged tidy little “identity buckets” to put us into so that it can market to us better. If you’re queer, you must proclaim it loudly; here, let us help you do that with a nice pride flag for only $9.99! If you’re a conservative, by golly you have to listen to this mindless stadium-pop country music; if you’re black, no you’re not if you don’t like lifestyle-obsessed rap. The conditioning is so insidious and so pervasive that most of us simply cannot recognize it; we regard this commerce as culture and think these are “conscious” decisions we make rather than preprogrammed feedback loops that we can’t break out of.
Liberate yourself.
